Each month, I distribute a TANA newsletter featuring updates from the studio, our exceptional instructors, upcoming retreats, and my personal recommendations. The letter always commences with a brief message from me. I will be archiving them here. ((big hugs)) amy
A Collection of Notes
July, 2024 - serves as a gentle nudge that summer is slipping away quickly, and before long, I'll be returning to school.
I had written something I wanted to share with you for this newsletter but decided at the last minute to change things up. Putting my thoughts on paper has always been incredibly healing for me. Sharing them, is another thing. I can get caught up in the process and start questioning if I'm oversharing, or if it's something people want to read. Things get noisy inside my head. While there is no "I" in team, there is definitely an "I' in mind. Today my mind was not on my team. It really can be a terrible team player. In yoga it is often the mind and not the body that is ready to quit. For example, when the teacher says, "handstand," the mind often says, "time to go the bathroom." "Yoga is the cessation of the fluctuations of the mind," according to the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali." When we succeed in our practice, the mind becomes still. Not being able to practice for the last seven weeks has been a crushing experience for me with my MIND getting in the way of my everyday. I saw my surgeon last week, six weeks post surgery. I arrived emotional and vulnerable. I could feel the effects of not having a regular practice and far too much time sitting with myself. Getting to this appointment took every ounce of energy I had. I went in convinced I would hear, "you can return to your practice and I'm lifting all of the restrictions." Instead he said everything I didn't want to hear. I sobbed. June forced me to find out who I really am, dig into my true nature. It wanted to get into my head, but I know better. I know in order to do this work of discovering who we really are, we have to get out of our heads. We have to get quiet. How do we do that? Meditation. Despite not having my physical practice, I had meditation. During the month of June I met my greatest teacher - stillness and quieting of the mind. It's not easy and at it's worst, "it's a frenemy - not quite a friend, not quite an enemy." I learned in June, this practice, YOGA, still has so much to teach me. I felt removed from the world in June, sometimes even removed from the people I typically feel most connected to. It's hard to explain, but Patanjali said, "when the mind becomes quiet, the seer dwells in his true splendor." The noise clears away, and what is left is self-knowledge, the ultimate goal of yoga. Simply put, when you meditate, you see life from a bigger perspective. The "to do" list fades away, and it's more about the "to be" list. (side note: I wrote a lot about the "to be" list in June, maybe I'll share sometime soon)
xo Amy
June, 2024 - How are you already here?
Where do I begin to update, and thank you? It's been a whirlwind of emotions but mostly just loads of gratitude for this beautiful yoga community and my family. It's true that you get back what you give and I've been the recipient of abundant love and kindness the past three weeks. Let's start with an update on my healing journey. As I type this I am 25 days post surgery and I truly feel like I've turned the corner. My wound is closed and all of the pain I had pre surgery is GONE!! When you decide to have an invasive surgery you do so with the hope that it all works out well. I walked into this decision slowly, as months passed it became apparent I would need to go forward with surgery. I'm grateful for my surgeon, his team at Loyola hospital, and health insurance. Now, let's take a moment to celebrate my at-home care team!! I don't know if I will ever find the right words to express my immense love for my family. I knew there might be a day I had to call upon my children to help me, but I did not think it would be when I was 54 years old. In short, they healed me in ways I never knew possible. Then there was my home nurse for two weeks, JP you are a good man. Obviously I know this but I wouldn't be where I am today without your unwavering support and care. Finally, but not at all last, my aunts and friends - WOW!! There wasn't a day someone wasn't checking in, bringing me fresh flowers, food, cards, notes, and a heartfelt text to just check-in. These moments lifted my spirits in ways I can't explain. I am an active, independent, pots boiling on all four burners kind of girl, to completely stop and have to ask for help was a HUGE challenge for me. Truth be told I didn't even have to ask, everyone showed up. I will never forgot these acts of kindness. It is said, that you get what you give. I try to give whenever I can and during this time of recovery, I felt those gifts returned to me. I also learned more about the power of this practice - yes YOGA played a HUGE part in my healing. After 25 plus years practicing yoga I believed I had a handle on all this practice offers. Nearly 3 weeks into healing I am humbly reminded I do not. The lovely Jessica Warren tagged me in a post last week, its timing - impeccable. I was struggling to sit with myself, to be present in this current state of my body. My emotions were all over the place, and I was starting to engage in negative self-talk. Then she so eloquently wrote, "How do we practice when we can't?" She went on to say, "practicing discomfort, learning how to find contentment, working through uncertainty, unfamiliarity and feelings of seclusion are all ways that we can experience what YOGA REALLY IS!" "By getting away from what we know, are comfortable with and often (usually without knowing it) become dependent on, we are living and truly embodying the real practice of yoga." YES, Jess, YES!
TANA Yoga was a blank space. My mantra at the time, "hold the vision, trust the process."
May, 2024 - Where did the name TANA Yoga come from?
I always get asked this, and I thought I'd share. When embarking on my first classes in a traditional yoga studio, I was recommended to take a class with Claire Mark at Yogaview. Long story short, I was deep into writing my dissertation while trying to keep up with a full-time job and parenting. It was a chaotic time. YOGA always shows up when you need it the most, and on this particular day, Claire showed up for me. Before COVID, I was prioritizing Claire's class and making the bi-weekly trip to Yogaview. Now, I actively take her online classes. Meet Claire HERE as she gives an interview on "The Funny Thing About Yoga" podcast. This week, I will undergo surgery. I'm uncertain, afraid, optimistic, hopeful, and grateful that I can have this surgery. I know I'm fortunate to have access to exceptional medical care and this opportunity to heal. As I navigate this process, I'm hopeful I can continue to be present at TANA and be back soon. Please stay on the mat!
((big hugs)) Amy
April, 2024 - Sit at the Table
For many years, I never felt comfortable sitting at any table. I'd find a seat off to the side or keep myself so busy I didn't have to sit. NOTE: if you see me milling around the room looking busy, it's probably because I feel uncertain about where to sit. This isn't uncommon for most women. In her book, "Lean In, " Sheryl Sandberg, former COO of Meta Platforms, wrote she was holding a meeting for executives across Silicon Valley. Secretary Geithner arrived with his team. He sat while his team, all women, sat in chairs off the side of the room. Despite Sandburg's invitation to join at the table, the women remained off to the side. She approached them at the end of the meeting, telling the women they had every right to be at this meeting and sit at the table. She asked them why they opted for seats off the side that made them look like spectators. At first, the women seemed surprised, but then they agreed. Sandburg wrote, "It was a watershed moment for me. A moment when I witnessed how internal barriers can alter women's behavior. A moment when I realized that in addition to facing institutional obstacles, women face a battle from within." (Chapter 2, Sit at the Table, from Lean In) As I've found personal success in my academic and professional career, I've continued the battle from within about whether I deserve a seat at the table. This was most significant during my time as a principal. Not only was I taking a position in a field predominantly designated for men, but I was also working for the Catholic church, all men. By this time, I wasn't shy about where my seat was, and I stopped milling around the room. I took my seat. Sadly, no matter where I sat, someone always tried to dim the light around me. I was either too progressive, passionate, or vocal, which made others uncomfortable and, in turn, defensive, or worse yet, a bully trying to push me off my seat. I've learned that while it is sometimes hard to shake self-doubt, I could understand there was a distortion. Sheryl recounts this in her book. She notes, "I would never possess my brother's effortless confidence, but I could challenge the notion that I was constantly headed for failure or not worthy. When I felt incapable of doing something, I reminded myself that I had not failed all my college exams. Or even one. I learned to undistort the distortion." My yoga practice has helped me navigate this as well. I've always admired yoga's impact on helping me to see myself and who I am before the world got its hands on me. I love the physical practice, but over the past ten years, I've shifted away from solely relying on the physical part to be my teacher. It's my work in stillness, in the quiet moments when I hear the voice tucked behind my heart, that I fully understand my purpose. People will always try to dim your light, even convincing you that you do not deserve a seat at the table. Sit anyway. Shine brightly. ((big hugs)) ~ Amy
March, 2024 - A Celebration of Love - She said yes!
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